Horror Fans: See No Movie

Horror Fans: See No Movie

Film Review

"See No Evil" is one of those horror movies where you are just begging for the psychopathic killer to slaughter all of the whiny, annoying teens in the most gruesome way possible.

Prepare to be disappointed on both fronts — there are three survivors and only two deaths worthy of any note.

There are the three things that should come out of a slasher flick: screams, guts and fun.

The three things that come out "See No Evil" are laughter, idiocy and a complete disregard for the rules of the genre — how can an abusive, weed-smoking sex fiend be alive at the end?

"See No Evil" doesn't scare, unless it's from the terrible acting; doesn't disgust, unless it's from the horrible plot; and, most importantly, doesn't entertain, unless you're laughing along with the unintentionally hilarious screenplay.

The plot is like something out of a survivor/horror video game. A group of teen criminals is brought to a run-down hotel where they are doing community service by cleaning it up. Unfortunately for them, Jacob Goodnight, better known as professional wrestler Kane, has taken up residence in the hotel and starts killing them and removing their eyeballs because they are all sinners. The teens run around the never-ending hallways of the hotel as they get picked off one by one in a series of disappointing kills; the only decent one being a vegetarian/animal lover being torn apart by wild dogs. At least the writer understands what irony is.

If the words "professional wrestler" haven't turned you away from the film yet, then maybe the fact that director Gregory Dark — filming his first major motion picture after a career in pornography — uses every gimmick in the book to drive you away. Rapid zooms, strange angles and bizarre uses of sound plague the movie. Instead of being used creatively to create fear, they simply distract from what little atmosphere there is.

The only saving grace, and that term is being used loosely, is that Kane actually does his hulking, evil, simpleton job pretty well. He is a mountain of a man and it's fun watching him toss human bodies around like they are rag dolls. But once the movie introduces more depth to his character, Kane really starts to become more goofy than threatening: huffing down hallways when he is angry and looking like a six-year-old when he is happy. The scary goes away, replaced by a big goofy guy with blood on his hands.

"See No Evil" fails in almost every aspect. Maybe in later years it will have that "so bad, it's good" feel. Right now, it's "so bad, its awful."